Monday, 10 December 2012

Looking in.....

Now, I have been on both sides. 

I have lived the hell that is autism.  The hell that no one understands that has not lived it themselves.  When your child cannot talk at all or is not on the same level as other kids.  When your child cannot bear changes and melts down if something is out of place.  When your child puts everything in their mouth and is off running away in a split second.   You barely sleep, because they don’t.  You barely eat because you are always preparing “special foods” because either they cannot tolerate dairy or gluten or more, or because they simply will not eat anything other than their chosen few foods.  You don’t have time to spend with your other children because this one child demands so much.  You can’t shower because one second away from watching the child could end in disaster.  The ER.  Or worse.  You don’t even have time to feel anything.  To cry.  To mourn.  And perhaps that is a good thing.  Your survival mechanisms kick in….but for how long?

Truly, nothing helped us until we got medical help from a qualified DAN! Doctor that asked questions about my daughter’s health.  Ran labs.  Stool tests, blood tests, urine tests to figure out WHY this was happening.  Our kids are SICK.  And they deserve the best medical treatment and they deserve a doctor that will look at the causes of their behavior instead of putting them on anti-psychotic drugs.

Yes, I am upset today, because even though my daughter is much better now, another child that I love so dearly is not.  A child very special to me.   A young child declining more every day.   And his mother is hurting in the exact same ways I did.  And as much as I want to just drop everything in my world and go help her, I can’t.  I am still healing my own daughter.  I have other kids that need me too.  So she is left in her own version of hell until she is willing to spend gobs of money and time to drive him all over kingdom come to an array of doctors to figure out the puzzle.  His particular brand of ASD.  Because there are different triggers for every kid.  Toxins, vaccines, MTHFR gene mutations, parasites, leaky gut, thyroid problems…and the list goes on and on. 

When will the madness end?  Why are we losing more and more kids every day?  My heart hurts so bad, it is broken.  So, now I have been on both sides.  Both living it and looking in, wanting so badly to help but feeling helpless myself.

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